After talking to our family priest on Saturday, he put into his homily/sermon on Sunday about how we can be kinder to each other, and especially to classmates who might be having a little more difficulty in school…to reach out to them and not hurt them or make fun of them, but help them as Jesus would (referring to the Gospel). It was very touching, as we knew it was relating to Ben. I had tears in my eyes, and Ben looked at me. He did not connect this to himself (his reaction would have been different), and there was a wonderful innocence on his face… or maybe it was peace. Normally he would have asked me if I was “okay” relating more to his concern over himself… insecurity… survival. He looked at me again, and just sat back… at peace. He had actual concern on his face, for me… but it was concern connected to and comforted by security, not fear.
As I am writing this I can see that he is beginning to attach, and it did not hit me until now… the impact of what happened in church. I want to cry I am so deeply touched… it is happening. I have chills, and I realize the love I have for this child, our son… I am overwhelmed. I cannot wait to share this with my husband, Paul when he comes home. Inch by inch. We know he will soar.
I look back on another snowy day about a year ago, just after we began your program… as I held this same child, with steel gray eyes piercing up at me as he said how “if he had a knife he would stab it in my hand so I would have to go to the hospital” and the desperation in that day. How he was afraid to yell out “I hate you” to his birth mom, as then she would not love him. The trials and tribulations of last years growth, inch by inch… to this little boy, our son… in the pew at church just yesterday with the hint of a twinkle in his eye… the spark of connection, the glimmer of hope and the peace that is beginning to melt his heart.
I am in awe, and so truly grateful. I am so glad I could share this with you, at the very moment it evolved, for without your program we would not have come this far. Thank you so much from deep within my heart for the tools to plant our garden… I can’t wait to share this with Paul. With gratitude, love and prayers… Suzanne