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Support: Where do I find it?
 

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Support is essential for success for parents of emotionally disturbed children. Having appropriate ways to vent relieves tension. When we relieve tension, we then have the energy to focus on the task at hand. We all have "an edge" that we can be pushed over. When we have no where to turn and no one to turn to because we’ve become isolated, we as parents are more likely to lose our temper and say things or do things we regret. The best way to deal with this is set up a support system. Let’s be proactive on this! It takes a special and devoted friend to still come around when there is a child with severe emotional disturbance in the home. Many do not understand what it’s like to live day in and day out being tortured emotionally by someone you love. How do you find people who understand?

The web is an excellent resource. Parents join together once the children are all nestled and snug in their beds, to vent, problem solve, share hopes, share sadness, and share dreams. Please check our link section to find and connect with other parents. Attending a workshop on Attachment Disorder you will find a room filled with parents who understand your plight. You are not alone.

There are over a ½ million children in the foster care system of the United States today. I would surmise that most of them have Reactive Attachment Disorder and have foster parents pulling their hair out. One out of every four babies is born prematurely and goes through tremendous pain at the hands of caring medical staff. These millions of babies are at high-risk for Attachment Disorder and parents pulling their hair out. There are thousands of us that are adoptive parents that think our love is more pure than the last parents and will heal the child, and we are pulling our hair out. I don’t recommend you approach each bald person you see and ask them if they share your pain, many of us hide it well and don’t show the bald patches. Some parents have had great success by putting a notice in the church bulletin or school newspaper inviting parents who have children with clinical problems or adoption problems together for dessert. It’s not if you build it they will come; it’s if you feed them they will come.

I like to have support group meetings in three parts. The first part everybody gets to vent and let go of all their concerns since the last meeting. The safest way to do this is with a "talking stick". With a 1½ or 3 minute sand timer hot glued to the top. Any three-foot by one inch stick or dowel will do. This is not for beating each other over the head. It is for passing to the person who wants to speak next. They start the timer; times up they have to pass the stick. In this manner, everyone gets a chance to speak; no one can hog the floor. When the time allowed for this section of the meeting is over, no more negatives or complaints are allowed. We shift gears during part two. Second part of the meeting is the sharing of the sugar; potluck desserts work well for this, or have members take turns stopping by the local bakery. The third and final part of the support meeting is for sharing triumphs and joys. Sharing ideas and strategies parents have found successful to help each other. It’s a time of pointing out each other’s strengths and gifts. The meeting should end on a high note, on time. Keep it short and it will be powerfully effective.